shuffling through,
these spectral scenes of youth,
an inconsolable travesty,
of fleeting, fleeing truth.

a faded thought of choose,
bound among by years of use,
a few lifetimes triggered to bemuse,
this wrenching, writhing muse?

(k)no(w)

It is very nearly enough,
your love,
is just,
so much,
Now I know how to know
when no is no
and what I know is no.
and now I know what I know
so much
is just
your love
quite nearly enough.
is just so muc

blackout.

oh, sorry,
I started to tell you
I just started to say

that it was my plan
that is im planning
that I wait a second hang -

oh yeah sorry
I was beginning to say
sorry what was I speaking words about?
it was very important no doubt
but yeah.

sorry,

I was on a bus one time
and then I was hang on,
One Wine thanks,
yeah,
so.
oh sorry yeah
I started to tell you
I began to say
that one day after today,
I will change it all away.

in progress #7

stars erupt against my eyes,
when I meet you inside,
direct my tether with your ties,
and settle amongst this mind.

speckled skin and surging skies,

Clouds above my Feet

keep your socks on,
bless me to warm your bones with this trust.
there must be clouds above these feet,
that relinquish me to see,
the movement and not the meet,
clouds above.
I can feel these soul pulse through our socks.
probably to anyone not much,
but for me, as always right now,
a lot.

there are, I've heard,
plenty of clouds above these feet,
that enrich my eyes to see,
a bringing not for the choose,
quietly use,
another spectred sort of being,
gently throbbing through you.
clouds abound,
we can share the things I think I found.

in progress #6?

It isn't far now young man.
I know it has been a while,
across a strange land
but
you can't get lost if you just carry my hand,
follow the footsteps in the sand.
Appears you forgot your everything plan,
thats okay though
If you want to discover you can.
and its really not long now young man,
I promise you,
You can make this You can.

untitled #7

Well it is not quite faith when you demand proof,
You know You,
so you know what I live to lose.

I was told about an idea of Truth,
a concept not too far removed,
To decide between the takings and the choose.

A simple thought,
triggered to amuse,
that I could live for me,
and not for You?

well now I forgot what is faith,
arrived just a bit too much just a lot too late,
how can I exist in this spate,
of gorish words and sounds,
And a churning mind to make.

The Divine Lie

words it seems,
are sometime given to me.
At the implosion of tangible bodies,
and at the expulsion of personal humane thought or notion,
a little rhyme takes over,
an immeasurable human poem -
that lends itself to that comforting, faithful ancient lie;
My Body is a Temple and not at all really Mine.

in progress #5

well you are not a tortured writer if you can't write,
you are just simply tortured.

its not fair on the dead.

you selfish fucker.
who here actually had the courage.

not.
you.

Search yourself some pride.
just a little anything
to show that you did try.

Shell

you are dead.
you died.
you murdered yourself.

and you know I comprehend
and am even thankful why,
but now falls the enduring effect
of us dull ones who are left -

what did you do.
I know it was thought through.

what this life
ruptures inside.

untitled #something

I was watching a documentary on alcoholism,
and it made me cry,
But
this drunk, right now,
I simply cannot seem to remember why.

15/9/15

To Maggie Love Dad.

I thought I knew,
What joy looked like,
What a perfection collection of humanity was,
But,
It turns out,
I had no fucking inkling,
Until you slowly then suddenly existed,
And was a red, screaming, alive you.

I have to know that I've done a lot,
And pretty well it seems,
As you babies grow into tots,
And now not just a family I've made but I've got.

When you were small,
Of course I imagined a not too far world where you were tall,
But no one cautioned me it would be this way,
That one random day,
You would all flew and fire away,
And leave me to wander, and wonder,
Is this life reaping me sunder,
Or is this one actually not on me,
For I may have raised you and birthed you,
But YOU chose to be.

I wonder if she knows,
Or even thinks about at all,
All the hours I've lain awake,
Planning your funeral in my brain,
Imagining all the drugs you take,
And still she lies into my eyes,
Spits on my love,
Stomps on my heart,

Doesn't she know the soul we share?
I was pretty sure my Maggie did,
But what if it was never there,
And as she grew she somehow dissolved into the atmosphere.

And I birthed and bred a masterpiece,
They could not see it,
But could surely feel it from my love,
For it would be impossible to have this love for a monster,
Even if you're not yet a son but not yet a daughter,
But an odd different one,
We don't have words for yet.

Surely they know I have only ever wanted nothing but the best,
Any pain I would want to chest,
And fix,
But this life never works that way,
And I was helpless to watch my souls mind break away,
And be left to just cross all my hands,
That you come back to me one day.

Inspiration #1

Sometimes its just too hard to be your friend,
You wrote this script I guess you know the end.
It's yourself you're killing,
But
it's me you are scaring to death.

-Doug Hopkins
  1993

you have to know.
I do not blame you.
drinking and drugging I would choose.
you may have learnt me used to,
but my own dying decisions I will alone lose.

Salted Earth

I am but salted earth.
failed yet another rebirth.
Destitude is this life
but for one first time
I am equipped to find
an altered leaning of live,
I am
Alive
but this time,
it is mine to be side.

untitled #6

It's sort of
a
bit funny.

you know where you from came,
here you are now,
two bottles down -
and somehow believed it would keep the same.
maybe just stay the shame.

twenty two will be the last.

well it seems
I am much too busy,
drinking up all my money
smoking all of any dignity
to mind that
I am
dying.

Crayons and Cannabis

for
Ever now
the smell of crayons
rends my living
and ruptures my heart.

one time
forEver ago
I wrote you told me what light is
and
what black was
and I did
not know
I
was
in
It.

Living With Meth User(s) 3

Once (or maybe twice), I tried to smoke sugar on the off chance it was crystal.

in progress #4

I am finding it hard to care either way.
I have to survive inside my head,
I can not jepordise that consequence in any more ways.

and just for one second somewhere,
I forgot what was me and what is you.
how do we do,
when my heart evaporates into truth.

Living With Meth User(s) 2

Part Two.
I cannot seem to not be struck by the poignancy of these times.
I am a witness to the life everyone believes I lead.
I'm not in that much a hurry to die, I think I would rather drink and smoke into a simpler time.
If I cannot hold open my eyes,
I may not have to be the pain of growing wise.

Living With Meth User(s)

Part One of a series of scenes I stumble across at home.
This dingo lives with two Italian men and a woman from Hong Kong who is potentially the most naive person I have ever encountered when it comes to drugs.
I do not participate in meth use (anymore) and have found it to be an insidious, terrible drug.
I do not want to watch my brothers die.

Nightly Disposal

Tonight, I saw my mum cry,
because she sees my addict,
who cannot adapt,
to Any sober stride of life
even though I tried -

But

when she cried,
she was drunk past the eyes,
and falling everywhere
and it forced me hard to care

and I go into my bed
to ponder if what was said
will be recalled tomorrow
hungover with sorrow

Or
if it will disperse inside the atmosphere
and My Lies can finally be clear
only to me, In my head
to dispose of instead.

Oldish Young one

Words are bigger than you young one,
You excrete selfish poetry,
Now
you've had that time,
and probably then a bit of some.

You were always never alone,
these friends,
Words
consumed your own.

Man's holocaust is nowhere near to done,
We can close my eyes,
but
can never conjure what we 'Won' 

Elusive Living

you know I'll probably stop on my own.
when Life finally eludes me,
and I tumble back home.

I came to hung onto the ceiling,
Cramping into Kneeling,
and Kicking a brain around,
this broken little thing I found.
It is not much,
but I should probably keep some for my own,
a piece of Life, to carry back home.

I dont Know

sometimes I forget how young this body is,
it's been a few lifetimes (l)earning to exist,
But I know what you are doing.
why the splinter of movements
I can own it,

I'm pretty good at these things.

untitled #5

I really don't have time for this,
see, I have a date with the veins inside my wrist.

so sorry that I need to dash,
I'm busy planning my relapse,
If this time I can't bring myself back,
know it was dignity I lack.

Just keep it in your stride,
as I burrow deep inside,
searching for something that looks like pride,
I really thought you would not mind.

ps.

ps. it was six.

I'm sick of knowing things and thinking -
I'm sick of knowing what you're going to do -
I am sick of being right -
I am sick of seeping sick.
I. Am. Sick.

and
also,
(it was six)

noises

Can you hear that?
this steady, quickening tap?

Words howling whispers,
tap tap tap.

Surely you can hear that.
that quickening, sickening rap

Ideas swelling swirling
rap rap rap.

I can only hear that?
the epic, consuming crack -

That signals the final break.
crack crack broke.

Dingoes Are Dangerous

The dingo is not aware,
of the tendons and bile,
dripping from their teeth,
That shocks the world to quiver and stare.

This dingo doesn't know,
why the foolish people,
would Choose to live and home,
inside the angry red world,
the dingo must slink in and roam.

untitled #4

I would just like it to be alright,
then maybe
it may been
might have been worth the try.

Keeping This Bottle(s) Down

no one is coming to save my life.
But that's alright,
I've already done it twice.

Here we go
ninth night in a row
but then again,
wasn't that nine nights ago.

in progress #3

well apparently it goes like this,
its not really faith when you demand proof,
you know You,
so you must know what I have to lose.

pointy.

when did you get so skinny.
look at your life,
it's not linear.

When did you get so near,
to wasting
and dying away.

what do words mean anyway,
when you aren't strong
enough
to put them inside a phrase
gracefully take away
the endless consequences of life
And just get it done for one more day.

untitled #3

slow down there son
you think you know too much
I know we are all dying
but you seem to be in a bit of a rush.

everything can hear the holes in your lungs
everyone can see amongst the grating of your tongue

you can feel your liver.
you know you will only get thinner.

calm down now kid,
you're becoming something only you could miss.

~

well would you look at you,
you've fucked it all up
haven't you.

what would you say to her,
if her ears were somewhere that could hear
your pathetic prose,
painted chose
what I wanted to show.

Look At You.
annihilated the one single thing you wanted.

The Horse

Fuck you,
And the horse you rode in on,
Make sure to fuck that too.

Well do you want my shoes too?
If you're taking all I can do
Might as well be a clean break
If im too busy mocking fate

Please sweetie don't dirty your hands,
Oh once again you've forgotten our plans
(Probably too busy fucking someone else?)
Well love fuck right off
and I'll leave you to jack off

Fuck you and
you know what,
fuck me too.

A Perfection Collection of Humanity

I have words
and you have feet
surely
that is all
we could ever need

the brighter side of genocide.

I will not write one more word,
until I find you one unheard,
That might stick to your mind,
Evening and caressing through my lines -

And be side of life,
Be cautious and be wise,
This world may not ready for this kind-
Of revolting to survive,

in progress #2

It is times like these,
In the deepest corners of melancholy,
A panging painful nostalgia,
of a being I did not know how to be.

A paper tiger starting teething,
I've become an expert in leaving

Yours to Need

You probably didn't want it anyway,
But I'm going and taking my love away.

You came at me,
as though I was yours to need,
Set your feet,
I'm coming for what I believe.

Look at what happened then,
I caged my life away,
If you wouldn't stay,
I didn't want it anyway.

untitled #2

I think I once thought beautiful,

then I could not recall
Any shade or shape
Beast of science, Doctor of faith.

I think I could feel it dying anyway,
Quietly dropping away,

But now,
She made me forget how to supress my mind.
There are trees again,
There are clouds and I do not think they end.

12/2014

Well in case you're not sure.
Here's how to remember me,
if at all.

Didn't own much pride,
Content to let everything slide,

Didn't go many places,
Too many screaming lives,
Too many screaming faces,

but I did write some words,
Certain I would say something unheard,

though I haven't just yet,
Too much time baking in regret,

So what is it going to be?
Stick around and pray to achieve something before you're free -
Or, embrace the unknown side,
and trust, you've done enough,
Not to make it out in life.

In I Run

I really do wish,
We could keep doing this,
Every two weeks in I'd run -
To take your soul in my arms
And kiss the world away.

You didn't ever ask me to stay,
But I could never ever depart,
Without cupping your heart,
And loving you another way.

But I do not think I can,
Get up to our old same,
and continue forever again,
My love,
and your lament.

Over Here

The world is far too small
for you to successfully leave me

You're there on every street
searing into my eyeballs
smacking about my soul
and stopping me to my feet

I'm not over you
but not quite under you either

merely over here,
waiting.

And So Were You

I really don't like to admit,
but I think I thought you were it.

We did not know how to live alone,
just us and one more cone.

But, of course,
after so much time
You reneged to your source
and I leapt into mine.

I really do think,
that there might be only so much time can fix,
But fuck,
I swear I was born with it.

My Other Room

There was a feather in my head
and a drainpipe in my chest
That dredged into something (I) new
Before, and I think after too.

It stood up sometime around you
and caressed us gently through,
the breathing and panting in the other room,
and it suddened me to know,
It was afraid of you.

So I shall keep you by my side
as the moon shifts the tides
and straightens out my mind
for this one last time
Before we are once again deaD.

in progress #1

You never know,
It could be okay,
If you would just stay
and simply lie with me
Under these exploding galaxies.

Light In A Storm

You appeared like the light in a storm.
Lash my knees to this tree,
Its only you I'd like to see.

Twisters rip from your soul,
Teach me what I already know
How to live among what I choose to sow.

And your clearing was never all that still,
Ebbed away into something more,
Couldn't help it just being you I saw.

Soul deep in your tortured floods,
Not yet, theres no alarm
There's a way to go and then some.

You consume like the light in a storm.
I would like to blame you but I can't,
you did nothing wrong.

Looked Like Life

So I'll rip you a whole then -
prance around our never end
Until you come to rest with me,
and squeeze into me what could be
Something that looked like life
but even from the outside
Somethings cannot work
hurling unfurled insults
Already regretting my resolve
I will never leave before I go.
I haven't once forgotten a lie I've been told.

I Really Didn't Mean To

I know I said I was done with all
that,

Foreshadowing years of hindsight,
Revolting to make it right,
but
then
All my logic seemed to broke -
The movements of time started to spoke -
and
then
My feet took me to my knees,
Reasoning returning from retreat,

I know I was done with all this,
I said I'd never feel again,
And I really didnt mean to
You dredged it out anyway.

The One I Came There For

and when im dead and old
and your skin has fallen to bone
and Ive forgotten how to foretold
and your mind has abandoned all,

You'll still be the one I came here for.

The Zebra Poem

The world cannot revise history,
but it seems to me,
That there for once,
On the right side of chance,
She.

I cannot revise history,
now its quite clear to me,
That some things stick to pass,
Didnt need a second glance,
Holy shit She.

I would never alter history,
now ive seen how humanity can be,
To dream of perchance,
A full life tapestry to enhance,
Why me?
SHE.

At Least Im Wearing Pants

Please dont trust me with important things,
yet another something I forgot to bring.
Well heres what I've got,
a lot of love and just one sock on some tired feet.
But if you dont want much from me,
Then it might be kind of neat,
If youre not expecting a lot from me,
Then it could be kind of sweet.

Disintegrate

I disintegrate when alone.
She thinks some things,
I carefully conceal in my home.
and She has done more in Her head,
than I could ever do out there.
so why won't She let me go,
to deteriorate on my own.

Look at these track marks on my heart
Never together so we couldn't fall apart
I blew it out with one quick hit
Nothing ever matters as long as we're lit
The world was spinning and we both flew off
So we fell to one another and couldn't get enough
We always knew it would be this way but because its you we know I'll stay
Always shaking down the street
Tweaking right until the meet
No room in my veins for blood
Filled them up with our sour love.

Light Casting

There was it seemed,
Something unfound in me.
Sauntering under eaves,
Wary of shiny things.
Then the shadows are just a light casting,
How could I have not known how to see?

A sudden orgasm of clarity -

untitled #1

sorry that I keep saying things already said,
but they won't stop reverberating inside my head.
catching and creeping through all control,
Just the one idea thought all the way through
just that.

cannot remember my name or even you,
only the cacophony inside this mind,
instructing me on what to do. 

Paradox

In my living of paradox
I think I would like
To simply drift away
Evaporate from this plane
But sometimes
Sometimes
I would like to remain
Scorch into someone's
Anyone's brain
And know I was there
I must find
Some simple line
That deviates the two
And let's me free of you?

Peace Behind The Eyes

Here is a place,
Of levees and dead things,
I am quite sure I didn't mean to bring.

The earth is falling down,
On your head if you're not careful now,
But my reasoning is coming around.
A miniscule opening I found.

So keep with me it won't be long.
Stay close to me and by my side,
Until I find,
My peace behind the eyes.

Here More.

There are too many loud words inside my head
That will never be written.

Picturesque, perfect prose -
Beauty my brain had hidden.

And
of course,

Rank, rancid rhymes -
Filth seeped lines

And
I am not too sure
Which I hear more.

We Even Woke At All

Can you hear the junkies?
Padding down the hall
Can you hear the ankles pop,
can you feel the joints roll.

And I'll bet I know why,
they even woke at all,
If you're coming from a crawl,
It's just enough to score

You know,
I am almost sure,
That I left a bit more -
Tell me,
What is wrong
with scouring the floor.

How Love Works

I will love you,
until you agree,
you are something.

You know I will love you,
until we are sure,
I am nothing.

I am almost certain
This is how love works.
Thoughts mean nothing until the worst,
I will bait until you are the first,
To speak our waiting words,
and implode our geodes of worlds.

You Didn't But I Saw Me Coming

I already know how this one ends.
I'll rend you limb from lung
and end to end.

I already know how this one goes,
You'll be strung out by your head
and by your toes.

We know I foretold you so,
This is how it always fucking goes -

You didn't,
But I saw me coming.